Our time together was short, but it was sweet. We were close, both physically and emotionally. The way you would caress my shoulders and wrap your arms around me when I cried, that was the most loved I have ever felt. The ease with which I was able to open up to you was something that I have never felt but it was something I have longed for all my life. The fact that we have so many similar pains and heartaches in our lives makes it easy to bond with you. You understand me and I understand you. I don’t feel like I must hide who I am when I am with you.
I am absolutely terrified of these feelings because they have destroyed me many times in the past. That moment I let someone beyond my walls is usually the moment I make my biggest mistake. Knowing full well that this could hurt me makes me uneasy. Knowing full well that I could hurt you is scary. Knowing full well that this could ruin both of us from ever loving again is terrifying.
But the possibility that this could turn into something wonderful has me feeling elated, euphoric even.
I was not looking for you nor were you looking for me but somehow, we found each other even though we are over a thousand miles apart.
Part of me is panicking, thinking, almost screaming, “Don’t do this! This is not what I want!” But the other part of me is saying, “But what if it is? What if this is the very one that God has for me?”
All the signs are there, both warning me and beckoning me. I feel so conflicted seeing both signs on the same road. The only choices are, keep moving forward or turn around and run.
Right now, the signs that beckon me to move forward are far more compelling than the ones that tell me to flee.
I will just leave these words here on this page. When the time is right you will see them and when it is supposed to be, it will be on Tabitha Road.