It’s exactly 3:00 am on a Sunday and I’ve been lying here awake for the last hour.
My emotions are all over the place and I go from moments of happy reminiscing to bouts of silent sobbing. One thing is clear to me right now. I miss you. I miss spending time with you. I miss talking to you and hearing you talk to me. I miss that closeness we used to have, that feeling I used to feel that no matter where I was, you were still there with me.
I could see you in the sunset or hear you whisper in the morning breeze. I could feel your embrace as the summer sun shone down on me. In the evening I would feel comforted by you as I watched the moon rise in the sky, knowing that you were right there protecting me from the darkness. When the rain came pouring down I knew you were my shelter. When the cold dark winter winds would chill me to my bones, you were light and warmth. I always felt safe when you were near me.
But lately we haven’t been talking and I’m sure this is because I have been silent. You never were one to force conversation. You never tried to crowd me when you saw me pulling away. You just let me go and stood at a distance watching and waiting for me to figure things out on my own.
I am learning more and more that not only do I miss you, but I also need you. I need your wisdom. I need your guidance. I need your strength and comfort. You see? I’m not as good as I thought I was at figuring this thing called life out. I guess that makes sense. How can I possibly understand something that I cannot create?
I will be in your house later this morning and I will hear about you from someone who is much closer to you than I am right now. I just hope that right now you are hearing me say I miss you. I want you back in my life. I think I hear you knocking at the door right now. Or have you been standing there knocking all along and I am just now hearing it?
I’m ready to open that door. You are welcome here.