Today I have the strength to write this letter to you. Last night, I did not. Last night I just wanted to get lost in you. You called to me in the night and I came to you. My pain was beyond immeasurable and all I wanted from you was for you to take the pain away.
We have a lot of history together, you and I. Just basking in your embrace as you gently rock me. I close my eyes and you carry me away, but not into the unknown. I am safe with you. Most days and nights I could just sit and watch you for hours on end and never tire of your beauty.
The way the sun reflects off of you, the way the moon makes you glow, I am endlessly enamored by you. You have so much life!
You help me heal when the world is just too hurtful and you calm me when my soul is distressed.
Usually.
But last night my heart was writhing in pain. My soul was in hell. I remembered that your embrace could stir a fire of excitement within me but last night I wanted your arms to pull me under and not let me surface.
I so wanted you to help me. But as often as your gentle whispers thrill me, last night they chilled me to my soul.
Your invitation was as sincere as always but your intentions were not love or healing. Last night your thirst was my life and I almost willingly gave it.
Dear river. I love you. But today, I want to live.